You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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