dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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