is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
