I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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