my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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