Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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