I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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