I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize