i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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