so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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