I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize