I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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