The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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