Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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