Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
