I can't watch pbs sober anymore
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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