I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize