i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
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I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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