Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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