i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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