Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
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I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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