i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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