awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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