the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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