There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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