Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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