don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize