I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize