Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Mom said you looked used
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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