yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize