she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
being pregnant is like rehab
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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