How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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