OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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