im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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