i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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