I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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