just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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