I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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