I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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