Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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