he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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