one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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