Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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