He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize