Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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