he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
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So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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