At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
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he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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