Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize