I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize