did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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