I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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