i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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